The poo to change the course of history.

Or maybe the future for me and my family.

Not because of what I did, but how I did it.

My dentist disclosed to me that he doesn’t take his phone into the bathroom cos he finds it unhygienic. This is the man I want working on my mouth.

As for me, today I took my phone into the loo and casually bought some stocks in the same time it took me to do a ‘ninja-poop’ (the way women poo where we’re swift and you’d never know that we’ve gone, unless we send someone an email about it to tell them!).

It was on my list of things to do, I’d done it more than a few times before and it was a convenient time to do it.

By the time the toilet flushed, I was getting an email confirmation.

Well done to me.

Something that was a big deal to me a couple of years ago is now no thang.

But sometimes everything is a big deal.
And it brings our dreams to a screeching halt.

I writhed and cried on the floor of my parents’ house and agonised about competing in karate for YEARSSSS before I started (winning a couple of World Titles when I did).

If you know me from karate, this may be hard to believe, but let me tell you my painfully drawn-out process of beginning to compete seriously.

Sad Step 1: I asked a fellow karate consultant if I should join the tournament squad.

She told me that my current instructor would be really disappointed in me if I did that because the culture there was apparently terrible. (Spoiler: it wasn’t!)

I put that thought to bed for a while.

Sad Step 2: Then I talked to other older blackbelts who would stoically say ‘I don’t compete’ and I thought that to be a real karate student I had to ignore competition (and maybe just break bricks in my back yard).

I hit the snooze button on my dreams once more.

Sad Step 3: At the next tournament, I watched other people winning, when I knew in my bones, muscles and heart that I could do it too and that my life dream of inspiring others was closer than I thought.

I wailed and cried, thinking it was my time, but too scared to take the next logical step. I had a full-blown hissy fit.

It sucks to feel stuck.

Sad Step 4: A while later, I talked to my longtime instructor about joining the tournament team and asked him if he really would be disappointed if I did. (I realise how fucked-up I may seem, having to be the ‘good student’ and ask permission from a man who really didn’t call the shots here!) He was really supportive & told me to just keep doing my regular classes too. Oh, so that’s what it’s about.

In the end, I never needed to ask for permission.

I just had to show up for a ‘tryout’. THE ONLY STEP!!!

The rest is history, as they say.

So now, my friend, you see why my investment poo means so much to me.

I used to miss out on so many ‘fuck yes’ experiences because there was so much 'stuff' between wanting it and 'yes!' that the yes never happened or it happened years later than necessary.

I like to say ‘the timing will always be perfect’ as a liberating thought. It’s true.

But when it comes to investing in yourself, the best time is now.

So take the leap my friends.

You can start creating a better future for yourself in the plop of a poo.

Xx

Love Bec

Hello hello!

In case you haven’t heard, I’m having a baby! And for a multi-passionate modern woman it can seem like there are many, many little duckies to get in a row.

Here for Maternity pics? Click here for a few spur-of-the-moment snaps & my pregnancy diary.

The nesting wave hasn’t hit me yet, but I have been getting prepped for my new life in ways that will improve family and business. I’m sharing these in the hope that they may spark a few ideas for you, because, as you’ll see, most of this is just better living.

Batching

• I’ve been doing content batching for blog and short-form posts to social media. I invested in Unum, but because I have a personal Instagram account, I can’t take advantage of the automated posting features. I still need to keep my account private for privacy reasons. I have a Word doc with 160 pages (not complete) of ideas and posts, some of which I’ve shared.

• I’ve looked into foods I can batch cook together and freeze. When I decided to stop lazy takeaway days, I made a chicken casserole that was yummy enough to feel like a decadent can’t-be-stuffed meal. See the ‘Delegating’ section for how else I’ll be making this work.

Decluttering

• I’ve been decluttering all my digital spaces. I’ve unsubscribed from intense marketing (see ‘How I Check My Emails’ under ‘Simplifying’ (it’s also batching).

• I’ve unfollowed accounts that don’t make sense for me to follow. On my coaching page, I stopped following the music accounts I follow on my music page. It helps me distinguish between my audiences and remember who I’m writing to. A lot were spam or fake accounts anyway.

• I’ve packed away clothes that aren’t cuddly or season-appropriate for the first 6 months of motherhood. Easy boob access was high priority.

Had to move exercise clothes in here to make room for baby clothes.

Then realised I’ll only wear a couple of them anyway. They are packed in that box.

Organising

Digging deep. My earliest creation was for a Be Your Own Coach course I made 7 years ago!

• Aside from deleting old graphics and images, I’ve correctly labelled and categorised my Canva creations. That was I have obvious templates for cover art, favicons, book covers, etc. I love Canva for Business, although with enough batching and Photoshop knowledge, I may choose to downgrade in future.

• Once a week I will get into all my desktop folders and put things in the most logical places, making copies and putting them in two different locations if I think I may forget where they live.

• Pinning the right folders to Quick Access really helped too! It’s funny how I’ve always lived with the default until now.

Outsourcing

• I’ve employed my sister to help organise baby clothes & things. Well, not employed, rather I babysit her girls while she makes sense of the many adorable outfits. In future, I’ll probably pay someone to do clothing rotations for me.

• I haven’t got a cleaner YET! I think with hubby off work the first 6 weeks we should get everything done. Am I deluded?

• It’s not part of the nesting phase, but I’m considering hiring someone to help with those areas of business that I enjoy doing but aren’t my ‘zone of genius’. I’m pretty fussy and have been disappointed with one-off jobs delivered on Fiverr, so would have a more rigorous interview process.

Empowering/Delegating

• I’ve made hubby 3 recipe cards so far and taught him some cooking bits and pieces the last few weeks so that he can make our fave delicious meals that always have leftovers.

Upgrading

• I could have put this in ‘Declunking’ but getting reverse-cycle aircon upstairs was absolutely worth it. The old split system was keeping us up and pretty useless (but thank you for your service) and now every room will help us be as comfy as possible. This isn’t just for my daughter, but for me. I want to love every room of the house every time of day, and this has helped me enjoy my home so much more.

Being Eyes-on

• I’ve kept a closer eye on finances and I track them every few days. It’s probably a little compulsive, but in this nesting phase, I find it soothing. I know the ins and outs of my cashflow, projected expenses, when to ditch certain subscriptions, the best times for new offerings, etc.

• With multiple music projects, coaching that shifts on a weekly basis, and midwife appointments, I have a ‘Detailed Everything Calendar’ (yep that’s what it’s called) that I look at and revises everyday. Even the lead-up to a song release has over 50 steps, and the larger steps all have their allocated days.

Simplifying/Optimising

• I check my emails in a very particular way now. I wrote about it here. It involves a separate Google doc with multiple sections based on facets of my life. I collect insights, write down actions, then delete or archive.

This is my email before I’ve done the delete/unsubscribe process. But as you can see, I have my ‘Email Insights’ doc ready to go, in case I learn something new.

• I am determined to find more ways of simplifying everything in my world. When I’m doing brave things and making quantum leaps, the other things don’t always fall away. I end up with more, and what I want is a feeling of less=more!

Beautifying

• With a serendipitous acquiring of a new bookshelf, I am much happier with my office space. But the beautifying hasn’t properly kicked off. Whenever I eat a jar of Morello cherries, I save the jar for flowers that I plan to have everywhere once the place is tidier. Hubby has been building and fixing family computers, so much surface area has disappeared!

Asking for what I want

• From baby snot-suckers to floor rugs, I’ve been asking for what I want, and it turns out that people are happy to help. Nesting is not the time to be coy with requests!

Investments

• Before I use my child as an excuse to keep more emergency income, I invested another chunk into shares, and have set aside something to invest for her.

• I would see getting a Roomba as a time investment, but hubby thinks it’s too extravagant! I guess he’s offering to vacuum? To be decided…

  Maximising Comfort

• I bought a cheap cuddly robe (despite owning a luxury Wheels & Dollbaby one that I dreamt of for years!) so that I never have the ‘I’m-too-cold-to-move’ excuse (cos I swear I’ll use it)! Baby will love nuzzling it too. Unfortunately my dog has also taken a liking to it.

Declunking

• Speaking of darling doggo, we’ve organised to get a doggy door so that he can let himself out when my hands are full of baby and the backyard is full of mozzies!

• Training Olly has been important too. Like he’s learning to jump on the bed for cuddles using a stool, instead of relying on me to scoop him up like a baby where the co-sleeper will be.

Gaining Momentum

Zoom writing with one of my producers in LA. This one is a Latin vibe.

• I’ve started a few song projects so there will always be new music in the works. If I acquire a fan or two this next release, there will be more where that came from.

• Especially through my breakthrough coaching discount VIP period, I’ve realised that it’s people who’ve worked with me before who have booked in. It’s a good reminder that the work I do today can help someone later.

Opening Portals

• I honestly don’t know what I meant with this subheading. Is it because I’m creating more flow on my website or because I am active in reaching out to people who will improve my life? This happens in a brainstorm sometimes. Baby brain can’t be blamed for this one. I do know that we can’t receive without creating a pathway first and we can’t exponentially grow without aligned, though sometimes scary, action. I’ve done both this last month.

Safeguarding

• I called council for the third time about getting a toppling and uprooting tree removed. I haven’t baby-proofed the house yet, but I sure don’t wanna risk further tree damage with bub around.

• Dan and I switched sides of the bed cos I keep tripping over in the middle of the night when I need to pee. I am EXTREMELY clumsy right now!

Deferring

• I have put in some paperwork to defer or extend a course I am doing, just to take some pressure off. I've learnt the parts that are most relevant to my current work and hurrying to finish it just wouldn’t make sense.

• I’m also holding off using all my Audible credits, but the advertising for Vladimir made me crack! I’d like to see what I’m in the mood for as a new mother.

Automating

• Dan and I tried Click and Collect grocery shopping, in case it makes life easier in the future. I order while I’m breastfeeding or barely conscious, he goes and picks it up. We’re not too keen on it for fresh produce cos you can’t pick your own. But otherwise it seems worth it.

• It’s only been the last month that I’ve used email funnels with VIP clients. It’s still very conservative (only a few steps) cos most my emails are written from scratch and highly personalised. I will use this feature often if it creates more ease and less stress.

Reframing

• The most important part of nesting for me is getting into the right frame of mind. I pick thoughts that suit me, like ‘I’m literally growing a human and don’t need to do anything else’ or sometimes ‘This baby is the magical gateway to everything I have been putting off’ or ‘I am so supported’ or ‘I’ve got this’. As I write this, I want to say ‘Life is only beginning’ because people tell me that so much will be ‘over’. I am ready and open to the unexpected. I am ready to discover how wonderful life can be and how strong I am and how much love I can feel.

I hope you can see by reading this that a baby is a bit of a rocket up the wahzoo and that so much of this is really about creating a lifestyle that brings comfort and ease. There is more to do, I know, but if these practices of fiercely protecting my energy and life live on, I may just be a better mother, friend, wife, coach, sister, daughter and songwriter.

Do any of these modern-woman nesting principles sound appealing to you? Are you doing these already because you are a highly-functioning adult?

Share your thoughts and remind me what normal nesting tasks I need to do!

My husband does not give a flying fuck about the dust on top of fridge.

Considering it is practically at his eye-level, it perplexes me that he can know it is there, but it would never occur to him to clean it without explicit instructions from lil Shortty over here. I have a very high tolerance for mess, so perhaps we are the same that way!

When it comes to our little domestic world, we have vastly different care-factors. He will pause our conversation until he works out how to make the PC fan not quite as loud. I will pull out all the food from the pantry, clean and then devise a plan to masterchef the shit out of the edamame bean linguine and can of tuna tucked away in the back corner.

We also have very different waking hours. I’m more of a 6.30am til 10.30pm daylight dweller, whereas hubby is a 1pm til 3am creature of the night when left to his own devices. There are just some things that make sense to do during the day, like hanging washing on the line. And taking the garbage out is more suited to a night owl. You might start to see some logistics issues in our coupledom. There are!

Here is the big one.

I feel, very very often, like I am all alone.

This is the most difficult, but easily turn-aroundable feeling I live with.

Because, as my journal-writing (read: venting) eventually led me to understand, hubby and I have such different perceptions of household contribution and preferred ways of giving.

Such a bloody relief when I worked this out!

You see, I put care into everything I do.

I love to create experiences and I love making people feel really good! I love to feed. I love to create space and make things shiny and beautiful and feel like a holiday. I always think about how to make the future even better. And even with my own blind-spots (cos we all have ‘em), I feel like I see everything at once, and it can be overwhelming. This is my pattern of domestic contribution. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, rearranging, planning/making bookings, organising & gardening. Most these tasks take a fair bit of time. And this is why I can feel like I pull all the weight. But that is not true.

How Mr Shortt contributes?

My honey-bear hubby seems to more readily contribute in ways that require skill, or strength, or specialised knowledge, many of which can be done quite quickly, without impinging on his sleep or violent gaming time! He is the one who can expertly administer our dog’s eye ointment. He keeps an eye out for technical mishaps or those waiting to happen, like making sure my laptop can breathe and keeping all batteries charged. He unplugged the gas heater that was too tight for me to get out safely and he sharpens our knives more often than I would ever deem necessary (I probably wouldn’t EVER!). Did I mention the mega-gorgeous photos he takes at our family gatherings?

After considering our favourite or go-to ways of contributing, clever, post-journal-writing me had the bright idea to start working with what was natural to us, instead of feeling resentful that everything is up to me.

One action?

Turning bill-paying over to Dan. We have a joint account for bills, but for 11 years I have been the one logging in and doing the transfers (some of which are now automated), but I can see that this is more of a Dan job and less of a me job. Sure, it doesn’t require skill or strength, but it’s quick and easy to do, and doesn’t involve ‘making places beautiful’ or thinking about the future too much, which are more my things.

This is so small, but it represents a bigger idea, which is that we can’t resent people for not caring about the same things as us or for having different ways of contributing. In fact, diversity is good. We need it in communities, workplaces and relationships if we are going to excel.

When I work with couples or individuals looking for greater balance, we always look at values, love languages and default experience of time. I still find that work illuminating for myself, and it took a huge weight off my shoulders today.

Have you ever had this feeling of frustration with a partner or colleague when you are convinced you are doing waaay more? Feel free to share in the comments. Can you see another way of looking at this?

And if you want some help with life-design, something I jump out of bed for, book in your first strategy session with me by the end of October for a special experience at an exclusive rate. This is exclusive to email-subscribers, so subscribe below and I’ll send you the details.

Enjoy this new perspective, loves, and if you are so inclined, cut your partner some slack!

xxx

A couple of years ago, around the time I felt like super-coach and that life couldn’t be better, I arrived at 7.50am outside the doctor’s surgery as a Sunday walk-in client. There were a few people there already, sitting on the doorstep and leaning against the gumtrees and their cars. There was no queue, and when the surgery doors finally opened, we civilly arranged ourselves in a line from first arrived to last arrived.

With three people in front of me waiting to register, I received a tap on the shoulder from a bob-cut, teacher-voiced woman who said imploringly:

‘I’m sorry but I can’t not say anything and I’ve been holding off. This man was ahead of you and you’ve pushed in.’

I immediately apologised to the man and told him to go ahead and said no problem.

I’m the queen of chill.

Or am I?

When I sat on the waiting room chair, I was feeling all the things and decidedly unchill.

I was angry at the woman because her tone was patronising and because she acted like I had known I pushed in.

I was upset with myself for not being perceptive enough to keep tabs on all the people and their order.

I was ashamed that a line full of people might have thought me to be an inconsiderate pusher-in-er.

And I fucking cried.

Convulsing.

Causing a tiny scene.

The woman who spoke to me came over to offer comfort. I liked and respected her. She was a leader, a vigilante, had a big heart (all qualities of the people I coach) and obviously has been taught to assert herself.

She couldn’t have known that a reckless line-cutter could have gotten so upset.

That little episode reminded me of the shadow-self I live with everyday. The part that I never want to acknowledge or live into. It also revealed to me my deepest beliefs.

I’ve always been the nice girl.

The do-gooder.

The put-other-people-before-myself type (even when I don’t believe I am!)

The girl who used to cry when she stepped on an ant.

The kind of girl who lets people go first and says ‘I’ll be fine… It means more to them than it does to me’.

I found my shadow self too.

I wanted to make that woman feel bad for making me feel bad, despite the genuine tears. I don’t identify with hurting people, which makes this shadow so much darker. I only discovered it in the very vulnerable place of a doctor’s waiting room.

What confronted me the most is the beliefs that were reinforced by what I thought of the woman.

Imagine my whole body viscerally reacting to something I think I believe in- speaking up for the greater good? Here is the subtext of my reaction to her:

Don’t speak up. It hurts others.

If you put yourself out there, everyone will hate you.

Being a leader will make me look like a self-important bitch (what I thought of her for a minute).

And what about that big success sabotager?

It is wrong to get ahead.

Being first means cutting people off and hurting those who come second.

I know this used to mess with my head when competing in karate until I chose to believe that everyone became better when I performed as my winning self.

Imagine if I lived into those beliefs? I would never fulfil my life purpose of empowering others through visible leadership. And in an unexpected tantrum of sorts, I learnt that I will forever be practising leaning into the potential ‘danger’ of leadership, because I have to. I want to make a positive difference in my community and beyond, and it only works with me having the kind heart I was gifted with AND by willing to be that brazen woman who could speak her truth in public.

I’ll give you the PS. right now, which is that I don’t actually think that woman did anyone any favours by fending for a man who could have told me to step aside himself (or maybe he didn’t notice and didn’t care!). Well, she did do me a favour by revealing all my dormant beliefs and my shadow self!

If you want to learn about your shadow self, we do this in Module 4 of my self-esteem accelerator course, which comes with personalised coaching for a limited time.

Shadow work can really shake-up how you see yourself, but self-knowledge and acceptance comes before the most powerful transformations.

If you notice any parts of you or even others that you want to disown, you can gently say to yourself,

‘I see you shadow self, I am happy to walk with you and listen to the lessons you teach me’.

And you can always, hand-on-heart, state

‘I accept myself fully and completely. I am whole and I am pure love, now and forever.’

Remember sweet friend that you are perfectly human and it is what you choose to do in this life that counts. Lean into your goodness and your greatness, even when it is scary. It is part of the divine plan.

Love you.

xx

If you were first enchanted by the Kon Mari method of discarding ‘that which does not spark joy’, you may find that right about now, during the perfect time of ‘decluttering’, you are at a total loss.

 Why? Two reasons.

1. The method seems totally at odds with the little pressing issue called ‘sustainability’ and the future of our planet! Everything that is trashed will likely end up in landfill, even if it is sent to be recycled and reused, not everything makes the cut. Can you even in good conscience lovingly say goodbye to that which doesn’t spark joy and send it to the graveyard of items that don’t make aspirational millionaire feel abundant? Research shows that even the repurposing that happens at places that recycle can be its own strain on resources. This makes me think twice before sending off the clothing that I will probably miss in a couple of years’ time.

2. Right now, places aren’t accepting donated, preloved items. That would be the c-word’s doing. Understandably so. I peeped into our local clothing bin and had several stuffed bags nearly fall ontop of me. In good conscience, I called the 1800 number on the bin, with no reply. Business is looking very different for places like this.  

That’s not to say that you can’t set aside all that you are willing to give away, repurpose or discard if you wish. It might be sitting in your garage for months (especially if driving it to the nearest charity never hit the top of your to-do list!).

But how to approach the mentality of all this decluttering in this new world?

We know that decluttering is amazing for:

1. Clearing out the old to make way for the new, energetically speaking.

2. Preparing for serious upgrades by creating physical and often mental space.

3. Helping to get creative juices flowing for those who need the destroy/create dichotomy.

4. Cultivating a mindset of wealth and abundance; holding on to things out of fear and desperation is not the energy you want to live into. Letting go asserts that you trust you will be provided for (by you, the universe, Santa Claus) and will be ok.

5. Symbolically calling in and settling into a new phase.

So how do we think about it now that we know it is all the above AND possibly not the best thing ever for environment?

Whether you end up permanently relocating the clutter or not, use the process as:

1.       Stocktake: a reminder of all you own in physical assets and energetic dollars (not just spent $$- most is worth something, however fractional)

2.       A lesson in the abundance you already have. If you have enough teacups to have the Von Trapp family and their spouses over for coffee and cake, then you have a beautiful reminder that you are probably more privileged than most of the population. It might not be teacups that make you think ‘whoa’, but maybe it’s your many journal sets or old DVD/book collection. Yes, we can feel that abundance right now.

3.       A call to be discerning. Once you have everything out on the table and you’ve perused every room to note and appreciate all that is there (future giveaways or not), then you can make calls about how to spend your future income. You can say, hand on heart, that you need not buy another pair of socks again or that you will only buy cushions that you will love forever and ever and ever. This isn’t to promote frugality, but rather to help you direct your money more consciously into that which might stand the test of time. I used to wonder what I might be missing out on with all I spend on music production, but after this last decluttering phase, I stand by my choices!

 The result? Speaking for myself, I’ve found this clearing out has created:

•  Less fear, more confidence moving forward. Literally surrounded by money and proof that it has come easily.

• Less focus on material possession (ironically) and feeling grounded to do more of what I love (not just what I have to do ‘in case’)

• Deeper gratitude and engagement with all I have. I can slow down and use luxurious products or repurpose old ceramics into vases and elegant bathroom décor.

• An endless capacity to give and in-turn, receive. I could (and likely will) give away so much to the most sustainability-driven companies AND family, friends and neighbours who will love my old treasures. But the giving is more than that. I can also give time and energy equally and feel restored by the abundance that already exists.

• A stronger focus on design and functionality. Ironing out the clunks as I’ve spoken about before. It has provided a fresh opportunity to consider what works and where it you be smoother or more pleasant.

Sure, there are bags and boxes in the garage that are yet to find their new home and ‘future me’ items stored in drawers I never open, but overall the spaciousness and abundance prevails. With this new space I can make better choices about how to best dispose of that which no longer brings joy and how to use my money in the future. It certainly won’t be to impress other people! And it will never be because I failed to recognise how much I already have.

Have you recently decluttered? What new feelings does decluttering bring up for you in this new era? What has been your most satisfying decluttering experience to date? And how are you going to direct all that new beautiful energy, itching to enter the world?

And, if you are brimming with energy and don’t know what to do with it, allow me to help you. My signature program, the 3-Month Metamorphosis, will guide you to make the biggest shifts and upgrades in your life, one insight at a time. Whatever you feel and learn during declutter time can be applied to your whole world- you may not see how just yet, but that is where 90 days of transformational conversations will have you directing your energy into what you love, but have been too scared to do. Take the first steps towards joining by learning about who I work with.

 Happy upgrading!

PS. Now you appreciate the declutter, read this short article on using a double declutter to manifest what you want!

Most self-help gurus & coaches will agree that a clearing process must take place during the manifesting process. Some say it should happen before you even know what you want (or are willing to write it down) and some say that it should happen after you are clear on what you want.

This is where the double-declutter is amazing for taking care of both sides of the equation. Here would be the sequence:

1. As you prepare to go for and get what you desire, do the physical and digital spaces declutter. This creates energetic space in important ways. You can read about decluttering doing the time of the c-word, to know the 5 ways it helps people and the 5 ways it just helped me. It doesn’t have to be time consuming- just enough to make you feel spacious.

2. Get clear on what you want and write it down.

3. Declutter your mind! From there the declutter that happens is mostly about what happens in your own head. Clearing & reframing negative thoughts, changing beliefs, and simplifying your thoughts around your desires gets you better aligned with what you want. If you think ‘I’m too old to start an acting career’ or ‘How could I want a lush garden when I kill everything that is green?’, you can learn how to get down to ground zero, no energetic clutter around that. About the acting one, I would disprove that one with real world proof that age doesn’t matter or I would simply say ‘Even though I’m old, I’m starting an acting career’ and simplify it that way. I would love to teach you how to quickly eliminate, disprove, reframe and replace limiting beliefs. It’s become essential education in the 3MM.

4. Become who you need to be now; be in the energy and mindset of someone who already has what you desire. Think, what you would do if it was already yours? You can use movement and pleasure to create positive and open feelings, here or Step 6.

5. Do what is in your power. Take a step in the direction of your goal (or what this new energy makes you wanna do next)

6.  Let go. Be endlessly patient, reminding yourself that you have elements of what you want right now. You can either cultivate the feeling of it being real, or chances are that you actually have a version of this somewhere in your life. Stay grateful. Again you can lock in the letting go with any pleasurable or high-vibrational activity.

7. And repeat as many of these as you need, ensuring that you always do what is in your power and eventually let go.  

Recently (2021), I wrote in-depth about what it is like to declutter in this new world (spoiler: it is hard right now!), but I’ve given you some advice for when you can’t physically give away stuff (not what you would expect).

You can read about it here.

Tell me about your double-declutter and if you need help with Step 3, email hello@beckyshortt.com and ask me about it. Happy manifesting!

Becky

Having recently gone on hiatus (aka dropped off Insta and Facebook), I’ve felt the strange relief of not being on social media, even after growing to love it in recent years. After all, it was the main way I could get my message across, have my music heard and give greater meaning to the food I ate (is my butter chicken immortal if it lives in my story archives?).

But like anything dubbed as a modern-day addiction, it comes with its dark side, not because it is inherently evil, but because it amplifies all of our own issues. Individually and collectively. I would never need to take a break from it again if I consistently applied these rules to social media and my whole life. And maybe these will help you too. (Skip to the lessons, or keep reading to learn about a collection of my experiences)

These experiences will capture some of my personal struggles with social media, and some of the gifts that my little interlude has brought me.

THE LOUD MUSIC INDUSTRY X ME

For those who don’t know, I’m one of a bazillion singer-songwriters in this world & stay connected with the music industry through my socials. Cheerleader-coach me is all about music artists serenading us with their art through cyberspace. Unabashed self-promotion, 100%. I do it myself in the hope that someone will listen and love a song so much that they just HAVE TO add it to their playlist. I know that if I stay quiet about my songs I could rob someone of the chance to hear the words and music of their own heart- something to make them feel less alone. So I don’t risk it. I don’t stay quiet.

But sensitive-introvert me struggles in this noisy space.

Every day I get so many requests from artists to listen to their songs. It’s spammy, but I get it, and the least spammy DMs are so natural, they’re almost too slick. And I want to listen to everything and comment and support everyone, but there is only so much time in a day and it can begin to feel like I am just a number.

Enter major hypocrisy, because this is part of my marketing process (although I only message friends). So essentially, social media reminds me that I am quite possibly bothering people, ‘disturbing the universe’ too much and that where there is not a resounding love of my music, there might be a minor annoyance in its place.  Unplugging was an escape from that fear, but that one is waiting for me until I get back. In the meantime, I’ve been able to think about other strategies that are less neon-sign-megaphone in nature. It’s a great mental exercise if nothing else, and I don’t know whether I would have considered another way without this break.

THOSE (VERY SLIPPERY) DM SLIDES

When you are your business and the face of it, it makes sense to be visible. With the talents of a photographer hubby and my B+ selfie game, my most heart-felt & a-lifetime-in-the-making words are always accompanied by a pretty picture.

Here lies my first-world problem.

All I want is to connect with my audience, the people I see and who see me. But sometimes the most engagement a post would generate would be half a dozen unsolicited messages from guys who think looking cute is an open invitation to flirt. I couldn’t even count how many times I’ve had to write a gracious message that pivots into a care and coaching angle to steer away from this dynamic. After so long off social media, I’d be much more direct hereon. I remember making a funny video in 2019 that introduced me to my most intense fan/stalker. I got so mad at myself for not being able to tame the cheeky sparkle in my eye and lately I’ve loved not having to even question whether being myself will attract unwanted attention.

A SHIFT TO SERVICE

What I’ve loved about this time is that it’s helped me focus on real service and not ‘being seen to be serving’. Now if I want to help someone, I create something special for them. I’ll open up channels for support through email. I’ll answer questions on forums where I don’t need to think or care about the appearance of following. I can simply serve and never have to think about how vanity metrics look to the world. I admit that not being able to do social media campaigns gives me the illusion of missing out on potential clients, however most the people I work with I’ve either met in real life or they’re on my email list. Focusing on one-to-one and non-public conversations has been so nice. Most people I reach out to aren’t those I want to coach, but are just great humans that are hard to hear through the noise of an indiscriminate news feed. It’s a return to friendship.

STILL CREATIVE, BUT DIFFERENT

Social media easily takes up our play time. And for someone like me, I really get why. I can be creative, take pics, share thoughts, get validation (that thing I think I don’t need) and spy on the people I love, getting inspired (or bummed out) but loving the thrill of creative freedom in a space where everyone does the same.

Now I can’t say that time off social media has made me more creative than normal. It’s been during my most active social media periods that I’ve written some of my best songs and produced the most compelling copy. But I have been able to produce more longform posts, create courses, and journal-write for as long as I need, without having to satisfy the compulsion to show someone else. So much of what I create is just for me, and that’s its own freedom. I doubt that anybody is waiting with bated breath for my next Instagram post, and if those who are will probably come across this! Consistency is about showing up with care and quality, not every single day or week. I will hold myself to that standard too.

I’LL HAVE WHAT SHE’S HAVING?

With the endless inspiration online, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing what other people are doing and thinking that they have exactly what you want. Nuh uh. I get like this sometimes, like when I see fitness models and pole dancers in their element. It’s a shiny object that can make me feel for a second that maybe I’m not enough. It might only take an instant to do the mental about-face that reminds me that I don’t want ‘all the things’, but frankly, it’s been nice not having to do the mind acrobatics to navigate the chasm between how people look on the outside and how they feel on the inside.

BREAKING THE ADDICTION

Not having the option of an early-morning scroll or the thought of whether an unsolicited DM is lurking in my inbox has been pleasant. Not being able to pick up my phone and do the mindless social media hop has meant that when I need a rest, I just rest or meditate, instead of seeking refuge between platforms. When I’m feeling lonely, I don’t need to post to open a conversation. I just call someone. Fortunately for me, I don’t really have FOMO when it comes to social media. My biggest concern is feeling like I’m not there for people who might need support or love, but if they really need me, they will find a way.

HOW I ACTUALLY LIKE TO SPEND MY TIME

I thought that with time off social media I would become my fittest self, or something equally tangible and impressive. But really, I just love to learn. All the time I would normally be online, I’ve spent learning and exploring some of my favourite topics of interest: literature, psychology, design and learning itself. It’s helped the world feel bigger in an expansive, not overwhelming, way. And doing this without being able to really leave the house and see loved ones, has somehow made me feel more connected- plugged in to some other source.

Now, my time off social media coincided with some pretty significant stressors, so I would love to see what this would look like during another phase of my life. Inevitably, I will need to return to share my services and my music, because emboldened sharing is still important in my growth journey. But I don’t need social media.

It sounds cheesy, but I think I just need to love, connect, sing my art and sing the praises of the people who inspire me to shine. Note to self: I can do this anywhere, on and offline.

I didn't need to quit social media to apply these important life lessons, but my hiatus sure reminded me of why we need them!

Here are 5 big lessons that could totally transform our experience of social media (and life).

1.       Set clear boundaries and uphold them.

Just because I am liking posts and conscious at 9pm, doesn’t mean I have to engage in conversations at that time. Like me, you don’t have to let people address you on social media different to how they would be willing to in real life. Don’t give mixed messages with smiley emojis and love hearts. If you want to create distance or set a boundary, be very clear.

2.       Be intentional

When you go on social media, have an aim and a time limit. Even if your intention (albeit not the best way) is to just ‘switch off’, put yourself on a timer. And give yourself a dedicated window of time. You can let yourself off the hook from having to constantly check in to see what’s happening. Other intentions could be to connect with one new person, or to share something important to you and to recognise a lovely quality in someone else. It might be to learn something new. Overall, our experiences are better when we have an intention.

3.       Quality, not quantity.

For me, this means to focus on service, not just being ‘active’. Make responses to others meaningful, and slow down where you can so that you can really ‘see’ another human, or learn or focus or share from a genuine place.

4.       Focus on what is in your power.

You can choose how to represent yourself, but you can’t control how it will be received. You can choose how often to log in or post, but you can’t control how every individual will respond to what you share. You can reach out to people you admire, and maybe they will never reply, but hey, you gotta try. Make sure you are having a great experience- the kind that is less about addiction and more about you enriching your life.

5.       Remember that you are enough.

You are you. You can choose who you want to be, but do that before you jump on social media and see hundreds of images of who you could or should be. Appreciate the diversity you see and celebrate wins that are shared, knowing that you don’t have to be like anybody else. When you know the ‘you’ that you want to connect with, wear it on the inside and on the outside. That kind of integrity provides the self-esteem that a 100k following can’t buy. Be you and be proud.

Have you taken a hiatus from social media? What did you learn and did you return better than ever? Share your experiences in the comments. I am so very curious about this one.

Lots of love,

Becky

I help fallible humans exist in their brightest light.

I help them uncover the treasure of being their unique and greatest selves so they can transform their world, make an impact and feel fulfilled and finally connected.

I ask the questions that lead to life-changing insights. Words to live by. Little saviours.

I do this because I know what it feels like to live into this light. And I know the feelings and beliefs that threaten our happiness and success, especially for big-hearted, do-gooder types.

Here are three things that hold us back that I rarely talk about here. For some, they are at the forefront of your mind. And for some, you may not know that they are there, tugging you back when you think just maybe it is your time.

The first one is shame. That feeling of having messed up so badly that you don’t think you deserve to be out there and successful. Sometimes that shame comes from things that have happened to us. Or guilt about pain we’ve caused or poor decisions we’ve made. If you have the thought ‘It’s all my fault’, there is a high chance that without the right nurturing, mindset and tools, you will hold yourself back. And that, my friend, is not good for you, your loved ones and the world.

The other thing that holds us back is fear. You might have this insidious fear of failing or succeeding and wearing the consequences of a life of success. You might fear the judgment, or the responsibility or maybe you don’t trust yourself to manage it in a way where you can look after yourself.

The other way you might hold yourself back is through this pervasive belief that you are ‘different’. As in, you are not like other successful people or that there is just something so fucked up about you that you couldn’t possibly have a morsel of the abundance that you see. Your mind wanders to your past, you count your flaws, and you start to put up walls around you to distance yourself from the love that is always available to you.

You are different. And that’s a good thing.

You also, have everything you need to succeed right now.

A few tweaks to the way you think will make all the difference.

I work closely with people to overcome limiting beliefs, especially those who feel undeserving or like they don’t fit whatever mould comes to mind. I do this through my coaching work, and if you would like to learn more about that, you can explore here..

But if you are here, reading until the end, I need to say again, and I want you to say it with me and feel it…

Shrinking and shying away from being the full expression of you- your goodness and your greatness does nobody any favours. You rob the world of the gifts you bring, just as you condemn yourself to the pain of unrealised potential.

Your journey was meant to be this way. You are meant to step into your goodness and your greatness no matter what, especially when you think it is impossible. It is how you start to feel good again and how you open up to the joy of life, which is always closer than you may notice. It is how you make the world a better place, starting with YOUR world- your family, friends, work, business or community. You make every place better when you commit to your goodness and your greatness.

Be empowered by that thought. I know you, your heart and the strength of what you have overcome. You are free to be you and to be wildly happy and successful doing just that.

Love Becky

The air of a not-too-distant spring has brought me outside.

I’ve strategically positioned myself to place the sun on back and the glare off this laptop screen (that is revealing the residue of the wet paper towel I used to clean it, much to my husband’s disapproval). I am in the same ‘slounge’ pants I’ve been wearing every second day of lockdown, and I am sad they are wearing thin enough for me to feel a breeze coming through the underside of this chair.

But it’s a beautiful day.

Maybe too beautiful for what I wanted to write about, or maybe just what I need.

I’ve been thinking so much about getting older and contrasting my 20-something self to the person I am today. Fundamentally, I feel the same, as we all do with age. But there is something that can happen (something I feel perilously close to at times) when we get older.

Instead of becoming more confident, more trusting and more aware of all the experience we bring to our world, we can feel the weight and the overwhelm of life nagging at us, erring us to the side of caution, keeping us small and sometimes making us feel foolish.

In my 20s everything felt possible and infinite all the time. I had experienced my fair share of adventures, heart-ache and heroic pull-through moments. And here’s where I struggle to articulate. I hadn’t yet experienced profound failure, slow-but-sure loss, the grim culmination of decisions of my friends, family and self, and too many stories & feelings that I don’t know whether should be buried or pitched as a TV drama.

And then getting older there is also the gruelling comparison culture to which we are all exposed. Sometimes I want to run from that world, and often do. When anything and everything is possible, the little voice might say, ‘so why isn’t it working out for me?’.

Throw in an existential crisis in a climate where there is suffering and an absence of human contact, and strange body-aches that remind you of your mortality and seem to want to thwart the good plans that you never actually made. Oh my.

As we get older there are often more funerals than weddings.

Things that we thought would last forever like a washing machine or marriage begin to unhinge or just stop.

People we love let us down. This is to be expected, and not resented. I was taught it is not a matter of who will betray you, but when.

There will be a fall from grace.

And there is enough time passed on the balance of probabilities for things to go horribly wrong.

The sun has slipped behind a cloud.

And I know that my thoughts never have to stay put. The cloud will pass.

Here’s how I choose a new thought, and maybe you can say this with me.

Everything I have been through…

Every feeling, the grief, the pain, the shame

the hope, the joy

is creating something for the good of the whole world, not just me, but including me.

I can choose to live everyday, to begin where I am, without wishing to take back the past or forge my way into a future that is already changing in ways I can’t even imagine.

I can see the chinks in my armour as lessons that have not yet manifested into their highest purpose.

I see mistakes, not as mistakes, but the highest form of guidance.

I forgive and thank those who have hurt me and I am willing to let go.

I let death me my guide and I feel the angels of my own mind walking alongside me, telling me it will all be fine.

And yet, I accept that maybe it won’t always be.

I am willing to pay the price of pain because that only comes will profound love.

I am willing for pain to teach me more about love.

Even my physical pain guides me to love my body even more.

I am willing to let my story be my story.

I don’t have to compare myself to anybody.

Everyday I will do the best I can, guided by love and the dreams I didn’t know I have.

I have faith.

The sun hasn’t come back yet, but I am warm on the inside.

I love you friends.

Our stories have rebirthed us, and that is why our story isn’t over.

xx

PS. If you want to consciously create your story, for healing, empowerment and transformation, see my beautiful writing course tailored to exactly that. It’s a lovely time for introspection and to fall in love with writing.

If it’s worth it, it truly is worth waiting for.

This wisdom has been passed to me through a beautiful lineage of coaches, and as with all these pithy words, has been rediscovered over and over again while living life and using hindsight.

Whilst these can be the most comforting and empowering words you can recite to yourself, and FEEL, when seeking the love of your life or pursuing your dream job, or home, it is also wildly practical when looking at skill accumulation.

If you wanna play and dabble, this isn’t really what we need to hear, but if you want to seriously upskill or learn something completely new, it’s the best way to:

a)       Know you are making the best decision

b)      Have courage to stick with it

I started singing lessons in my mid to late-20s. When I was 13, my mum asked me to choose between karate and singing lessons, because these decisions had to be made in a working-class family of 4 children. I am so very glad I chose karate, and couldn’t even fathom a life without the training, mindset and constant inspiration from my teachers. And running my own dojo from 16 has given me some of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

So back to me being an adult student of singing.

I didn’t give up, but more importantly, I dared to start. When I hear the contrast between how I sounded then and how I sound now, it’s nothing I could have predicted, and I realise I still have NO IDEA how much better I could be. I knew the results would be worth waiting for, because I love singing and writing and music. And jamming with & serenading the people I love is a life dream come true.

In my mid-30s now, I am pursuing new skills and making decisions about the ones that may be the fun ‘dabbling’ and the ones I want to really keep at. Being older is not a consideration. I have at least 65 years left and should certainly apply that way of thinking. The consideration is, what is worth waiting for? What am I willing to be patient with? I also try to steer clear of skills that I would use to boost my self-esteem (even though I recommend skill-building and helping others as the number 1 way to build self-esteem). For example, I could learn to do some exotic dancing to feel sexy, but why not just feel that right now? I can move for fun without perfection. I could learn chess, but I’d rather put my mental exercise into writing, and I know I would probably wanna just look smart. Might dabble, though.

This is really an invitation to anyone who wants to learn something new to consider what would be worth mastering, and then to put the first foot forward. New skills allow you to access a world of joy and experiences that are otherwise out of reach. For example, I have so much more freedom in my song-writing now that I have improved my singing.

And with conscious learning (what do I want to learn, what am I learning, what did I learn?) and with some extra learning tools you can do it in record time. If you ever want to learn these, just ask. Lifelong teacher, after all.

Would you share with me a new skill you would like to learn or something you are so happy you stick with? You will amaze yourself with what is possible.