and the 'front' that gets you through...

I've just returned from a weekend away shooting a music video. You'll probably see some of the glamour shots around the place, and being on the 'model' end of those shots, I can tell you now that nothing really feels as glamorous as it looks. It got me thinking about what goes on behind the scenes in our own lives that makes it seem like we have it together when we are in public or on show.

Some people need to have a good cry once a week.
Others are glued to a screen in all their 'spare time', learning, researching and perfecting their craft.
Maybe, like me, you need to binge on a good television series to keep you sane.

And deeper than this, we all need our behind the scenes thoughts to be in check so we can show up in the world the way we need. When people seem to 'come out of nowhere', be amazing in their work or so confident, it is their behind the scenes mindset AND practices that make all the difference. This is me now. Writing a blog and then working on student reports in bed at only 8pm.

As you can see, that glamour is gone! Hahaha! I get real comfy when in work mode because I never want work to feel exhausting, even when Iove it. My calendar at the moment is also incredibly hectic so I can fit in music recording and shoots. I've made some big sacrifices so I could live out the passion that would be 'easy'to neglect for fear of failure. In a race of thoughts, my mind always settles of on one of utter self-belief and faith that things will turn out as they should. And that I am safe to take risks. But I have trained myself to think this way.

Sadly, when we see success, we can jump to poor conclusions, assuming that some people have it easy or are simply perfect all the time. We all have our 'stuff' and our coping mechanisms and key practices that get us through and make us who we are.

So what do you do to show up in the world as a strong and capable person? What front do you put on to be a professional or inspire others? What does your life look like 'behind the scenes'. Share the good bad and the funny in the comments below. Because goodness knows it is nice to hear that other people need to curl into the foetal position at the end of a long day!

Want your behind the scenes to look better? Work with me to change that default mindset and 'self talk' that could be holding you back from being the happiest you! Our 6 month program is well under-way (oh some amazing stuff unfolding for those gorgeous people!) but you can still get signature coaching from me via Skype on a monthly or fortnightly basis.

All my love,
Becky
xx

Just because I get asked about it so often, I thought I would share the process I went through to win my first karate world title with GKR. I didn't want to post this for a long time because I thought it might be interpreted as 'braggy'. But it's the kind of real stuff that people need to hear, especially if they feel 'ordinary' as I did.

Based SOLELY on my experience, this is how to win a karate kata championship. The lessons you'll read at the end apply to any big goal you decide you want to kick.

So here goes...

• Feel like absolute crap. See other people succeed and don't do anything about it. Cry and have mini hissy fits asking some higher power why you haven't won tournaments yet. (Um, probably because you haven't entered, dummy!) And feel conflicted by the buzzing feeling in your tummy that tells you that you absolutely could do this.
• Make an empty promise that this year is going to be different. You will take your karate success to a new level.
• Keep working your butt off at training. Oh, but don't stay back practising after class in case people think you are 'showing off'.
• Have another cry and make more excuses. 'I have no time.' 'I'm not cool enough to do cool things like win stuff!'
• Hate your whining and decide to do something about it for real this time.
• Talk to your peeps and make a pact that you'll go where the champions hang out- National Squad. Actually join and then almost spew with nerves before class. And sometimes cry because you 'don't belong'. (Everyone here is soooooo much better than you!)
• Stick the words 'National Champion (insert your name)' anywhere you will see. On the car mirror, on your vision board, in the bathroom.
• Play the game. Go in tournaments. Win. Get obsessed with winning.
• Write daily intentions asking 'Why am I am champion?' Start noticing the little victories you have every day. Feel like a bad-ass.
• Ask everyone for feedback. Take feedback from anyone. Make people watch you and let a nine year old tell you your stance is too wide. And then fix your stance (if it's true).
• Practise like you are expected to win and that your job is to inspire others.
• Rehearse the moment you win. Feel the joy. Hear your name called.
• Tell everyone you speak to that you are going to win a championship. Elegantly work it in to conversations with colleagues accusing you of 'not eating properly' (because you are snacking on raw capsicum to be more like your sensei who rocks an eight pack).
• Buy a couple of pretty gis (karate uniforms) to have an unfair beauty advantage. (too big but it makes a nice swooshing sound).
• Tear shoulder at grading (subconsciously believing that champions all have an injury or setback to make the win more inspiring), but get through it, cementing in that you can achieve anything when you put your mind to it.
• Win a National Championship.
• Rinse and repeat process (with less crying this time, but equal amounts of feeling awkward).
• Train with the best sensei, including shihan. Commit to learning and developing.
• Relax into the fact that this will happen. Trust the process. Stay obsessed.
• Make sure that when you fill up your tank of petrol the final number ends with 8.83, because your goal is to get a score of 8.8 from 3 judges.
• Do some mental clearing work. Acknowledge and release the reasons I may not want to win and clear my mind so that I don't stand in my own way. 
• Enter World Cup.
• First day of World Cup. Teams. Do something stupid like drop a metal bottle on your toe and go to hospital to get it drained. Then deal with the humiliation of telling people that story. (Only redeemed by the fact you won your bouts in pain!)
• Watch things unfold perfectly for you.
• Win the World Cup.
• (A smidgen of guilt for competitors who you beat.)

And then...

• Feel normal.

You were a champion before this moment.

• Finally feel ecstatic seeing team mates win. Success always feels better when others are celebrating with you.

Nothing glamorous about that story, but it doesn't make that big goal any less worthwhile. Achieving something that once seemed unfathomable is the best lesson I could give myself. I know now that when there is something I want, I need:

1. A bit of faith that I can nurture.
2. Social support. I tell people what I'm going for so I can be accountable and supported. Get around the people who can help me.
3. Hard work. Heaps of practise.
4. Constant visualisation and obsessive thoughts of winning.
5. Intention setting.
6. Mental clearing work.
7. Saying yes to me, and making bold decisions.
8. Feeling peaceful in the belief that all will turn out fine.

Now to you.

What do you have to do to show yourself that anything is possible. What is the next big goal? Where are you almost feeling physical pain because you desire something so intensely? And what is stopping you from going for it?

Leave a comment to share your big goals, fears and get some support for that next big step!

When I learnt how to make better decisions, I ended up in Costa Rica, meeting my tribe and then headed to New York and New Zealand (not to mention a whole day coincidental stop over in Hawaii), even though when I booked the event I had no money for a return flight! The universe looked after me when I listened to my heart.

Do you feel like you have a significant decision to make?

One that seems so big, that it is terrifying, perhaps paralysing?

How do you know if you are making the best choice for you?

How do you know if you should act on an idea?

Before making the decision, decide whether saying yes to a decision will make you;

a) the best version of you...?

OR

b) a smaller, suppressed version of you...?

Will it make you heart

a) more open and loving of others and yourself...?

OR

b) more closed and negative...?

Life and business guru Marie Forleo talks about feeling expansive versus feeling contracted. When you want to do something scary, but know it will make you a bigger and better version of you, then you have to do it. When you feel constricted, contracted or like retreating into your self or as though you will be smaller if you go ahead with this action, then it is normally not right for you.

Consider where you are in your life right now.

Are you able to be your true self in this position?

Do you feel small, unworthy or like your gifts are not able to shine?

Sometimes our fear of what we are leaving behind stops us from moving forward. We are willing to put up with pain, loneliness and a lack of fulfilment just to hold onto memories and experiences that can be replicated or cherished as moments of the past that will never be forgotten.

If you decide to go ahead with an decision that you know is right for you (despite the fact you may be terrified), it is through actions, little and big that you will be empowered to move beyond feelings of fear.

When I first got engaged, I felt fear immediately. I temporarily felt a sense of 'single life' (one I had not experienced for 7 years!) slip away and I forgot the overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude that was just beneath the surface. It was through taking little steps towards the wedding that the fear began to slip away and that I became more centred remembering how wonderful it would be to spend my life (or as long as I desire) with my amazing man.

I wrote this song about those actions that move us forward, however the title represents the little fear and nostalgia of the past that we can acknowledge and then move beyond- 'Something Blue'.

If you haven't heard this one yet, click here and enjoy the catchiness. You are now one of the only people to know the true meaning of the song!

So tell me now, where are you suffering for fear of letting go of the past?

What big decision are you faced with at the moment?

When you think about going ahead with a decision, do you feel like it will lead you to be the best version of you?

And, the big question.

What is stopping you from taking action, right now?!

Love Becky

PS. Have you been enjoying the FREE email coaching you have received via this blog? If so, open your heart and share this blog with family and friends who you know could use some guidance in their lives.

Last year, my band and I went our separate ways. The lead vocalist started up her own band and became a recording artist and performer under the name Kite. She is writing beautiful songs and singing and performing like no-one else I've seen! (That's how a 'break-up' leads to bigger and better things!)

Well, a few months ago, Kite asked me if she could 'have' a song I had written called Wolf. I'm pretty sure I responded over-enthusiastically with something like 'Of course!' or 'Oh my god, yes!'.

But there was a part of me that was like...

Fuck! That's my favourite song!

Nonetheless, you can now see Kite performing it amazingly! I have moved on from those possessive feelings, but it took some work and self-discovery.

Trying to hold onto the essence of the melody, I wrote part two to Wolf.

And it was therapeutic.

You see, Wolf is a very grim song about submitting to a man in power and not making an effort to acknowledge personal choice in relationships. I've grown up a lot since then, and know that when attraction or love is mutual, both parties are capable of getting hurt. I know I am responsible for every choice I make- good or bad.

You can see the lyrics of the original Wolf here and check out the video and lyrics to Revenge of the Wolf below. Warning: it does contain some very feminist overtones, but perhaps one day there will be a third part- more balanced and forgiving.

The trouble is that as human beings who innately tell and connect with stories, we risk holding onto tales about our past that do not serve us. We tell ourselves that we were 'victimised as a child' but choose not to recognise how we have evolved since then or how our fear of judgment made us ostracise ourselves further. It repeating this story to ourselves and to others, we reinforce the negative feelings associated with the memory or belief and position ourselves to attract more of the same story into our lives.

Hit reply or comment to share with me a story that you tell yourself (either negative or positive). If it doesn't serve you and you realise it is disempowering, tell me how you will rewrite the story to make it work in your favour.

You can also listen to bonus materials in Lecture 32 of my online course.

Happy writing!

Hello Lovely!

This weekend I had to have a massive brain dump. Another headache snuck up and I had to ask 'Why the f*** is this happening?'.So I did the best thing I could possible do. I wrote down absolutely every niggling thing that was annoying me about my life. It seems like a pretty negatively loaded exercise, but the first step of overcoming any challenge is acknowledgement. 

Here were a few things on the list (of about 30):

• Feeling terrible that I'm not speaking to an old friend over a misunderstanding.
• Not having gone to the dentist for too long to say!
• Being prematurely sad about not seeing enough of Milo, my best friends dog.
• My long interlude from karate.
• A massive obligation that I no longer wish to have.
• Putting 'work' over traditional 'being in my 20s fun'...

The biggest theme that kept arising in my points was not being true to myself or completely honest with other people. Allowing others to make me feel awkward.

So, my very first steps were to fight awkwardness with awkwardness.
Had 3 very open and honest conversations with three men (a family member, a friend and my fiancé), all about completely different and equally important issues that had been causing fleeting sadness, subconscious worry and making me implode.

What absolute relief and a new wave of energy I felt just by being honest and not letting things fester. The assumptions I was making were, as always, a matter of opinion and the people who care about me only want to see me happy. However, there was no escaping the awkward conversation that comes with the territory of mending relationships.

If you haven't heard it yet, listen to this short mp3 on speaking your truth.
Then hit reply and tell me now, what awkward conversation are you putting off?
When are you going to have it?

Once you reply I will give you 3 killer tips for these conversations so they go as smoothly as possible.

Lots of love,
Becky

PS. Here is a success sheet to help you with speaking your truth.

It has been a tumultuous week for me. I had an ambulance called, a doctor visit my house, an overnight stay in hospital and more than enough days in bed.

And all because I made a silly negotiation with my body. 
 
I told my body that once the holiday period hit I would focus more on my health. I would meditate more often, work on my shoulder rehab, eat better and have the perfect balance of work and play. "But not right now", I told my body. Today we are going to 'work, work, work'.

Now, I must say, that my work never really feels like work. But when you have your own business it is easy (and essential) to create 'work'. And it does keep you busy. 
This is all well and good, but the fact is that when you push your mind and body without a rest, it sends you a big, fat message.

A year ago, I told my body to give me a migraine to let me know when I am putting too much pressure on myself. And this time I got the message louder and clearer than ever before. So much that I ended up in hospital.

So, if I always work hard, what made this time different? A bit of reflection brought me to this conclusion.
I was doing everything I could do, and STILL told myself I wasn't doing enough! I have some great systems in place and instead of going through the motions (usually seen as a bad thing) and trusting that I was doing what was right, I was constantly wanting more, more, more. More of myself, more than anything.

If you have ever been giving it your all and still feeling pressure to do better or be bigger, say this to yourself;

'I am making perfect progress, at my own pace.'
'I appreciate the present moment and how it is naturally moving me in the direction of my goal'.
'I am enough.'
'My best, at this point in time, is absolutely good enough'.
'It is safe for me to have complete balance in my life and take things a little slower'.

Sigh.

It is so easy to start living at someone else's pace.
Where are you putting too much pressure on yourself or others around you?
What does your body do to tell you when you are not in balance?

Are you willing to treat yourself well before your body gives you a big, fat message?

Reply to tell me when you have been out of whack, and how you get back on track.

Enjoy the next couple of weeks and keep me posted on how you are doing!
xxx
Becky

It's Magic Monday, the day I like to make super special to avoid the 'Mondayitis' to which so many of us have become accustomed.

I personally like to hit the ground running, so I jam pack into my Monday a bit of everything I want in the week. Teaching, writing, learning, singing, coaching and usually cuddles with my man while watching the latest TV show (GAME OF THRONES TONIGHT!). But what really gets me on track on Mondays is... journal writing.

And, yes, journal writing is back in fashion! 
But there is a twist.

Journal writing can be used to mindfully heal ourselves, overcome challenges or be the first stage of bringing a dream or goal to fruition. In this week's video, we zoom in on a lecture I give on journal writing and how it can be applied to find and heal our wounds, shift beliefs and get on the path to success. I have included this PDF to help you with this form of journal writing. 

As with anything, we know what is best for ourselves, so let this writing activity lead you to new places of self-discovery and insight. It can be scary scrutinising our minds so deeply, but really, it is the only way we can move beyond where we are right now. The change has to come from within. 

Watch the video on journal writing here. You get to see part of my journal entry which is brutally honest and personal.

Once you have a go at this type of journal writing, send me a quick reply letting me know what you have discovered about yourself through this or what actions you are motivated to take since journal writing.

I will always reply to you.

Yours with love and the magic of Monday,

Becky
xxxx

Hello Gorgeous!

Just wanted to give you a sneak peek into my new Udemy course, Golden Lies: The Ultimate Guide for the Creative Soul. It delves into how to use your creative powers to transform the world around you and get exactly what it is you desire.

Leave a comment that tells me one of your 'golden lies' that will change your life this year. Putting it into the world wields extraordinary powers.

There is something so surreal and magical about the fact that we have entire landscapes within our mind. Places of memories, visions of the future, imaginary scenarios and sometimes films stuck on replay. It makes sense then, that when you want to invoke the magical, you should first experience it in your mind.

The old proverb ‘seeing is believing’ takes on a new meaning when it comes to the canvas of the mind. If you can imagine something, certainly it can be possible within the laws of nature.

Exercising the visualization muscle

It is amazing how sometimes it is a struggle to picture ourselves living our dreams. As a martial artist, I know that sometimes I try to imagine myself executing a move perfectly, but I need to warm up into it. Yes, you do need to exercise your mind, including your imagination.

A Daily Practice with a Difference

Sit in silence or with some relaxing music playing. Close your eyes and slowly build your imaginary world in which you are living out your deepest desires and emanating the feeling of happiness that you desire. Stay focused on events that have not yet occurred, but see the people in them, and yourself with great vividness. Do this for 10 minutes daily and make it an enjoyable task. It is your daily holiday, in which you visit your favourite destination. Your destination may change frequently. That’s ok. As long as the experience is blissful.

To add power to this practice, begin picturing you in the action of living out specific goals. Allow the vision to become entwined with the feeling of happiness. See yourself from multiple perspectives. Look at yourself from the eyes of others, from the heavens, from the ground and most importantly, live these dreams through your own eyes- from your point of view.

What is one thing you will commit to visualising daily?

Tell me what it is in the comments below and ask me any questions about the power of visualisation. I will always reply to you.

xxx

Becky